A pair who stay in Nigeria’s “divorce capital” are being hailed for his or her lengthy marriage having lately celebrated their fiftieth marriage ceremony anniversary.
Mahmud Kabir Yusuf and Rabiatu Tahir spoke to the BBC concerning the secrets and techniques of their happiness, and about why so many marriages fail within the northern metropolis of Kano, in a video that has generated a lot remark.
Mr Yusuf places it right down to his spouse’s beneficiant nature.
“She is a really unselfish particular person and he or she overlooks quite a bit which has contributed to the success of our marriage,” the 76-year-old instructed BBC Hausa.
This prompts a smile from Ms Tahir, who’s in her late sixties. Collectively the couple have had 13 kids – and he or she praised her husband’s capacity to stay calm within the face of the difficulties all households confront.
“He’s a really affected person man and I really feel that was additionally key to our success,” she stated.
The pair say they love and respect one another – and so they clearly get pleasure from one another’s firm, breaking off to chortle a number of instances in the course of the interview.
For Hassana Mahmud, it’s a revelation. The 39-year-old divorcee has been married 5 instances and is impressed by the couple and their evident contentment.
“In all my marriages I’ve solely spent 4 years with a partner – so to see them on social media celebrating this milestone was refreshing,” she stated.
“My husbands have been all good and caring throughout courtship however modified after the marriage,” stated the mom of 4.
“I really feel dangerous at any time when I hear individuals name Kano ‘the divorce capital of Nigeria’, I hope issues will change,” she added.
Kano gained the epithet after divorce charges started to rise within the Nineteen Nineties and it has not been in a position to shake off the undesirable label.
Tons of of marriages collapse every month in Nigeria’s most populous state, whose capital, Kano metropolis, is the industrial hub of the north.
In 2022 analysis executed by the BBC in collaboration with the native authorities disclosed that 32% of marriages in Kano state solely survive between three and 6 months.
It additionally revealed that some individuals aged between 20 and 25 had already gone via three marriages.
The size of separations is a priority – particularly for the Hisbah, a Kano state-funded Islamic company that offers with ethical points and enforces Sharia, or Islamic legislation within the state.
It has a police unit that enforces issues like segregation in public locations and an alcohol ban for Muslims, who make up the vast majority of residents. It additionally has a counselling service primarily to assist struggling married {couples}.
Lengthy strains of girls can usually be seen queueing exterior its places of work to complain that their ex-husbands aren’t serving to with upkeep for his or her kids.
Folks are inclined to marry younger in Kano – usually earlier than the authorized age of 18.
Others really feel Islam’s straightforward methodology of divorce could be an element as husbands can merely inform their wives: “I divorce you” or write that on a bit of paper and it’s over. These days a message despatched on social media is sufficient to finish their marriage.
Aminu Daurawa works for the Hisbah to handle the excessive divorce price. One among their options is to supply a second likelihood to individuals and higher put together them for married life.
The company organises mass marriages, generally known as “Auren Zawarawa”, primarily for divorcees – appearing as a matchmaker on a large scale.
The lots of of newly wed {couples}, who’re handled to an enormous marriage ceremony ceremony, are additionally provided a small sum to assist them arrange a enterprise and different family items.
This initiative started in 2012 – although Mr Daurawa acknowledges divorce charges are nonetheless excessive.
“We find out about that downside – that’s the reason we arrange a committee to verify on every couple after the wedding so we do not get the previous [same] outcomes,” he stated.
However Hadiza Ado, founding father of non-governmental organisation Ladies and Youngsters Initiative, says the variety of divorces proceed to rise.
“In the intervening time we stand up to 30 marital instances day by day in our numerous places of work,” she instructed the BBC.
“The troubling Nigerian economic system is the number-one motive in the mean time.
“Husbands exit to make ends meet and generally come again residence empty-handed, which causes rifts.”
The follow of utilizing matchmakers is frequent in Kano as a result of in a Muslim society single individuals don’t combine, so it’s troublesome to satisfy potential companions.
The one place that the sexes combine can be at college or different tertiary establishments, which most individuals don’t attend.
When individuals are matched collectively they usually get married hardly realizing one another.
In truth Mahmud Kabir Yusuf and Rabiatu Tahir have been launched as kids by an older lady of their neighbourhood.
She was the one who felt they’d be a very good match – however they didn’t tie the knot for one more 12 years, giving them ample time to get to know each other.
One man with a popularity for making profitable matches says that’s key.
“Numerous investigation must be executed earlier than marriage to know the individuals concerned,” Rabiu Ado instructed the BBC.
He arrange as a matchmaker 10 years in the past. The 46-year-old had not supposed to change into a wedding dealer, although it had been the job of his mom.
He was working as a truck driver when he was approached by associates complaining concerning the issue of discovering a companion.
After making some profitable introductions, he realised he had a knack for the household enterprise.
He now has billboards promoting his providers – and will get between one and 5 shoppers every day. He interviews them and will get to know their attitudes and expectations. Usually males desire a lady who can generate profits and ladies need wealthy males.
“Lots of people go into marriages with the flawed mindset, which is why they get dissatisfied after a while.”
He says he has organised round 500 marriages over the past decade, with successful price of greater than 90%.
He counsels {couples} to at all times take time to know one another effectively earlier than marrying.
Mr Ado, who has the nickname “Mai Dalili” that means “He who makes it occur”, says the excessive variety of divorces means some individuals do not take marriage significantly.
“I really feel why divorce is excessive in Kano is as a result of individuals really feel I can at all times get one other particular person after a divorce.”
Islamic cleric Abdullahi Ishaq Garangamawa defends the convenience with which Muslims can break up.
“Islam is merciful and made marriages and divorces not onerous so that individuals won’t be caged when issues aren’t going proper,” he instructed the BBC.
“Prior to now we did not have this many divorces as our mother and father have been married for many years. It was in latest instances that individuals began abusing the method for egocentric pursuits,” he says.
“However in essence, not like in some religions the place it is until demise irrespective of the state of affairs, Islam legalises divorce when issues get out of hand.”
Mr Yusuf, who used to work for the now-defunct Nigeria Airways, says sharing life’s difficulties and serving to each other has been essential to his enduring partnership with Ms Tahir.
“Love can also be key as a result of once you love one another genuinely you have a tendency to remain collectively.
“My recommendation to individuals getting married is to not get into it for egocentric causes however go into it with real intentions.”
His spouse agrees, including: “My very own recommendation is that individuals desirous to get married must be affected person with one another – if one companion is indignant, the opposite needs to be calm.”
Further reporting by Abba Awwalu
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