Palestinian poet Mosab Abu Toha on life and loss in Gaza : NPR

5 days after the Oct. 7, 2023, assaults, Palestinian poet Mosab Abu Toha fled his residence in Gaza, alongside together with his spouse and their three younger kids. Two weeks later, their residence was bombed, leaving it in rubble.

“I say that I’m houseless, however I’m not homeless,” Abu Toha says. “I’ve a house to return to, which is Palestine.” Abu Toha and his household initially took shelter in a refugee camp. When the camp was bombed, they moved to a faculty that had been was a shelter by the UN Reduction and Works Company for Palestinian Refugees. Finally, he was capable of get passports that enabled the household to depart Gaza. However whereas crossing into Egypt, Abu Toha says he was detained for 2 days and crushed by Israeli troopers who claimed he was a member of Hamas.

Abu Toha has chronicled his life and his household’s journey in The New Yorker, The New York Instances and The Washington Put up, and in addition in his new guide of poetry, Forest of Noise. He says that as a Palestinian who was born in a refugee camp, “My losses began the day I used to be born.”

“I misplaced my childhood,” he says. “I am a Palestinian refugee who misplaced 31 members of my prolonged household, who was wounded in an airstrike in 2009 once I was 16 years previous, who misplaced his home, who misplaced 300 associates.”

Abu Toha and his spouse and youngsters are at the moment dwelling in Syracuse, N.Y., the place he’s a fellow on the College of Syracuse. He says the choice to depart his prolonged household behind in Gaza was one of many hardest decisions he is ever made.

“If there was one cause why I left Gaza, it was simply to avoid wasting my kids as a result of I could not present meals to everybody in Gaza,” he says. “If I am inside [Gaza], that is true, that I might be near my dad and mom and my siblings and my relations and my college students, too. However I can not do something once I’m there besides simply to remain near them, to die with them, to endure with them.”

Interview highlights

On his relations who’re nonetheless in Gaza 

My household in Gaza has been devastated. … My father and two of my siblings moved from north Gaza to Gaza Metropolis. And whereas one other sister of mine together with her three kids are nonetheless in north Gaza, and in a single voice message that my sister managed to ship me, seven days after I misplaced contact together with her, I may hear the Israeli gunfire. I may hear the airstrikes. I may hear the artillery shelling. …

Folks don’t really feel protected whereas they’re inside their homes as a result of they … might be bombed at any second, similar to what occurred to our home final October. But in addition, they can not even depart the home to search for meals and search for medication and search for water. That is the case of not a household or two. It is about a whole bunch, a whole bunch and a whole bunch of households.

On attempting to consolation his three younger kids 

I used to be capable of depart Gaza in December final yr, and we lived in Egypt for about six months earlier than we got here to the States. And the primary few days after we left Gaza, the kids stored asking about their grandparents, about their cousins and about each relative they knew. Generally they might convey up the names of their associates. And by the best way, one in all my kids misplaced a really shut buddy of hers, and I did not inform her about that. It is actually horrific. … I am unsure if we return to Gaza sooner or later, she’s going to ask about this buddy of hers from kindergarten. So after we got here right here to the States, I observed that my kids stopped asking a whole lot of questions on what’s occurring in Gaza. And I feel that is good and unhealthy on the similar time.

On the trauma of his childhood resurfacing as a father

I am somebody who has by no means lived in peace in Gaza. I imply, the one sound I may hear was the drones buzzing. … Once I go to the ocean to swim with associates and even to have a picnic there, I may see the gunboats. The whole lot in Gaza jogs my memory of the occupation. … My scary childhood formed me. And I am nonetheless traumatized from childhood. And I am additionally traumatized as a father who may barely shield his kids in Gaza. I used to be taken away from my kids. And I imply, I may see myself within the eyes of my kids after they scream. Every time they hit an airstrike, every time they get hungry as a result of there’s not sufficient meals. … The hunger began early on after October seventh. I spent a whole lot of time on the street in search of meals, in search of water for my kids. So it’s horrible to be a baby in Gaza.

On accessing meals that folks in Gaza don’t have 

Whenever you eat one thing that different individuals do not have entry to, it feels horrible. I imply, once more, I am not dwelling on my own. I am not dwelling alone. Once we left for Egypt, I used to be sitting on the desk with my spouse and children and consuming and my son … would cease consuming and ask, “Is my grandmother consuming?” And he would begin crying. I imply, it is a youngster who’s 8 years previous and he has empathy with different individuals. … And one time he began to cry asking whether or not his associates from the neighborhood have been nonetheless alive. … It’s horrible to be a father or mother in Gaza.

On his use of the phrase “genocide” [Editor’s note: “Genocide” is a legal term. While Israel has been accused of genocide at the International Court of Justice, the Israeli government strongly denies the accusation and the court has yet to make a final ruling, although a preliminary ruling found it “plausible” that Israel has violated the Genocide Convention.]

I do know that it’s a controversial time period, but it surely’s not controversial after we see, particularly now with what’s occurring in north Gaza, the place Israel separated Gaza Metropolis from north Gaza, the place they’re bombing individuals proper now. So I feel the phrase ‘holocaust’ began for use, I feel, 20 years after the Holocaust occurred. So why do we actually have to attend till the genocide has all that it must be known as a genocide so as to name it that time period? And I am questioning whether or not the phrase actually is missing right here, as a result of what Israel has been doing and that is discovered within the rhetoric of the Israeli officers — they wish to exterminate individuals in Gaza. They minimize off electrical energy. What do you name it whenever you minimize off electrical energy, whenever you minimize off meals, whenever you minimize off water, whenever you whenever you goal ambulances? I imply, what do you name this? I imply, do we actually have all should die to ensure that them to name it genocide? I imply, it is sufficient, the best way they’re killing us in Gaza.

On why he doesn’t wish to speak about Hamas 

Hamas is a faction. … No matter they are saying, they aren’t representing all Palestinians. So the rhetoric they’re utilizing, they signify themselves. Regardless of the Israelis are saying, they’re saying it as a rustic. So no matter Hamas is saying, no matter they’re doing, they aren’t doing it as a state, we don’t have a military. So you possibly can say Hamas will not be the Palestinians. And I don’t have to agree with every little thing that Hamas says as a result of I am not Hamas. …

Israel [is] besieging us and bombing us and stopping us from constructing an airport. Why do not we speak about these items? Let’s cease speaking about Hamas. Let’s speak about what occurred earlier than October seventh. What occurred earlier than Hamas was established in 1987? Hamas will not be the reason for the issue. This has been occurring for many years, not for a yr. Everybody on the earth ought to perceive this isn’t about October seventh. And even when there’s a ceasefire, let’s be clear about this, even when there’s a ceasefire, this doesn’t suggest that there might be peace, as a result of the identical issues that led to October seventh, the occupation, the deprivation of the Palestinian individuals within the West Financial institution, within the Gaza Strip, it nonetheless continues.

Heidi Saman and Thea Chaloner produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Beth Novey tailored it for the net.